211423

Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic? A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. ~ Infinite Jest, by DFW"

"I made a belt out of $100 Bills. It's a waist of money."

"[court] ME: Between 10 & 11 p.m. I was having sex JUDGE: Who are you? You're not even in this trial M: I know, I just want it on record"

"Your ignorance might be bliss for you but it's giving those of us with a brain a headache."

"ME: I was having a juice cleanse between 6 & 8 p.m COP: You don't need an alibi, you're not a suspect ME: I know, I'm just telling everyone"

"Interviewer: Give me an example of something you took with you from your last job Me: Toilet paper"

"Just bought a new disposable razor. Or a spaceship."

"What do you call a starving parrot? A polynomial!"

"Feminism: because not all women can be beautiful."

"What do you call a woman who sells sex for noodles? A Pasta-tute!"