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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry I said the Nazis were also a party when you invited me to celebrate your kid's first birthday."

"What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield? It didn't matter, they were all ears"

"Why bother drinking water? You're just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know."

"Just heard Barrack Obama's main writer has been killed.. Sources reporting that he is currently speechless."

"5 years ago today I asked the girl of my dreams to go out with me. Today, I asked her to get married... She said no both times. ;("

"Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death."

"A woman gets a C section What does the doctor say to the woman who has to get a c section? There's not enough womb!"

"Are you an ideal amount of red phosphorus and am I a proportioned tiny wooden stick? Because we're a match!"

"I have a thing for older men. Not cuz I have 'daddy issues', but because I also like to eat dinner at 4:30 and be asleep by 8pm."

"Two peanuts walk out of a bar one was assaulted( a salted)......peanut"