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Joke of the Day

"If I had a dollar for every woman that finds me unattractive... ...then after a while they would find me attractive."

"It's my mom's personal mission in life to save me 20% on all my purchases by clipping out and giving me every coupon known to mankind."

"On what grounds did the wife divorce her husband when she found out he was having an affair with the leader of Cuba? Infidelity"

"I went for a swim with my daughter... I felt a warm pocket of water in the waves and yelled at her ""Did you just pee in the ocean!?"". ""No"" she said ""the seaweed"" True story."

"How can you tell who is the head nurse of a facility? She's the one with dirty knees."

"What's the difference between America any yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture."

"Booze Cruise I'm not afraid to die, I'm just afraid of how I'm going to die. I wanna go like my grandpa, In his sleep, not like his other 4 screaming passengers."

"[trying to impress fiancee's entire family] Waiter: Your bill for- Oh I got it! [looks at bill & spits wine] WHO ORDERED THE ""SUBTOTAL""?!?"

"I like my women like I like my sex partners... Female."

"Why do Native Americans hate April showers? Because they bring Mayflowers"