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Joke of the Day

"I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, But when i got home all the signs were there."

"The problem with Quotes on #Twitter is that... it is so difficult to tell if they are Genuine - William Shakespeare"

"Dial Up Connection Was the original Dubstep."

"What do you get when you cross.... .... the DNA of a human with the DNA of a goat? Kicked out of the petting zoo."

"George, are you high? No mom. The smell is incense, my eyes are red from browsing reddit for hours, and I'm just keeping that unicorn here until Tim comes back from Florida."

"5 Years ago today I asked a beautiful girl out on a date. Today at 3pm I asked that same girl to marry me. Both times she said no"

"Domestic terrorism? Meh... International terrorism? EHMAGARD!!"

"A man walks into a library and asks for a book on How to live life to the full with a 2 inch penis'. The librarian says, ""That ones just in."""

"Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday."

"*Rains pennies from heaven* *coins decimate the land [terrified scream] 'CHANGE IS IN THE AIR!'"