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Joke of the Day

"Told to me by my 8 year old daughter: Knock knock. Who's there? Awkward silence. Awkward silence who? ... I see what you did there..."

"LUCY: Dad, how did I get my name? [flashback] ME (signing contract in blood): Ok but can we at least shorten it? LUCIFER: That's fine"

"You know how after you get off a boat, your body still feels like its on the boat for a while after? I'm like that with beds."

"Q: Why couldn't Batman go fishing? A: Because Robin ate the worms."

"[me telling a joke] guy wearing a ""Make America Great Again"" hat: I don't understand. ME: There's probably a lot you don't understand."

"NSFW Two flies are sitting on a piece of shit... One fly farts. The other fly says, ""Do you mind? I'm eating."""

"What did the 2 rednecks say after breaking up? Let's just be cousins."

"dentist was flossing my teeth & said ""they're very tight"" & I said ""yeah they're homies"" & he laughed so loud that it made me uncomfortable"

"I bought some Velcro shoes so that nobody can make fun of my velcro wallet anymore because now they will match"

"What does a forward thinking person say? wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"