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Joke of the Day

"'gamer' & 'foodie' are bullshit labels because they suggest you are something b/c you passively enjoy something everyone passively enjoys"

"my kid threw a tantrum at IKEA and broke over 50 wine glasses. Cost me damn near $4 to pay for them all"

"What does an uncircumcised Jedi use?"

"What do you call an abortion in Prague? A cancelled Czech"

"I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you."

"Your mama is so: need some material.."

"guy: my dog just died girl who studied abroad: wow that reminds of this one time in Europe i saw a dog"

"What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again."

"I used to pretend that broccoli florets were treetops and I was a giant eating up the forest while my Dad pretended he had a manly son."

"What does a Chicago cop say after emptying his clip into a fleeing suspect? ""Stop. Police."""