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Joke of the Day

"DOG: I think that job interview went well! *looks in mirror and sees ear was inside-out the whole time* Son of a"

"Wife: Have u done anything today? Me: Rode my bike on the back tire down the street Wife: Wheelie? Me: Yes, really, and cut the baby talk"

"What did King Midas say to get peoples attention? Eh you!!"

"What do you call a group of men with flat butts? Assless Chaps"

"What is worse than Spygate? Deflate-Gate"

"Dear lord thank you for these noodles I'm about to eat, ramen"

"if a picture's worth a thousand words, the people posting photos on twitter are going over by 860 characters"

"Let's name our sandwich shop after smelly trains."

"I always feel bad for cantaloupes ... They just want to get hitched"

"I'm not saying the police are over zealous but I was arrested yesterday for singing ""come on baby light my fire."" They said it was inflammatory."