79453

Joke of the Day

"""Oh my god, I've...I've never seen anything like this before. This is incredible"" - me looking at a boob"

"Jurassic Park III on AMC. 10 min. in, 2 young scientists studying dinosaur fossils. FOSSILS. Hey, 'member how THERE ARE ALIVE DINOSAURS NOW?"

"What did Pythagoras say about the pyramid scheme? He just couldn't find the guys angle!"

"If by ""cat-person"" you mean do I sleep a lot and will I lose my temper with you without provocation, then yes I'm a cat-person."

"I slept like a baby last night. I pooped my pants and cried myself to sleep."

"Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a licensed six offender."

"My mother said today, ""I'm always alright as long as I'm taking that D."" She was referring to vitamin D."

"My father was a wonderful man. He's still alive, he just turned into a cunt."

"I wish that my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply"

"APOLLO: I'll be god of the sun HERMES: OK I'll take light- A: I'm also light ARTEMIS: I'll take music A: No I'm also music. That's me too"