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Joke of the Day

"We get it. You're Muslim. You don't have to Ramadan our throats."

"Pasta joke My wife laughed when I told her I was planning to bulld a car made out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!"

"You can tune a guitar... but you can't tuna fish!"

"I can't wait for hillary to become president and appoint bernie sanders as her vice president ""I did not have sexual relations with that man"""

"The only indie movie I like is Raiders of the Lost Ark"

"I got a call from my ex crying and telling me she was HIV+ The hardest part is always having to act surprised."

"[takes a sip at wine tasting] Ah yes, this is nice. You can really taste the wet dog and Code Red Mountain Dew."

"The basics of male masturbation Are easy to grasp."

"Tried to catch fog today... I mist."

"I hate flossing This morning, I brushed for literally twenty minutes just to put off flossing. My hair has never looked better."