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Joke of the Day

"Why do the French not pronounce ""h"" at the beginning of words? *with a French accent* Because they hate it."

"I asked for a ham and swiss, you gave me a meatball instead Woops, wrong sub."

"Before college I didn't have a degree, or money, or any idea what I was doing with my life. But NOW I have a degree."

"I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don't have to save for retirement..."

"I started up a poster design company called ""Original Poster"" We don't deliver."

"On the fifth day to election, the public gave to me... Five Gallup polls Four awful choices Three Trump Steaks Two more WikiLeaks And a cache of Clinton emails!"

"When someone cries, ""No one gets me"" I immediately snatch them and put them in my trunk and yell, ""I got you""!"

"[first day as tour guide in New York] Me: that's the Statue of Liberty Guy: what is she clutching Me [awkward long pause]: all the liberty"

"Oh no! Playstation and Xbox online services are down! Someone call an ambulance! Wii U Wii U Wii U."

"*Paranormal Factivity* [I walk into my bathroom] ""OH MY GOD"" ['WHALES ARE ACTUALLY MAMMALS' is written in blood on the mirror]"