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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a bar... ...with a duck on his head. The bartender says, ""May I help you, sir?"" The duck says, ""Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass."""

"Why did the boy jump off the dock? Pier pressure"

"What do you tell someone who doesn't like Depeche Mode? Enjoy the silence."

"An atheist and a vegan walk into a bar... The only reason I know this is because they both told everybody."

"What's the difference between a drummer and shoes in a dryer? Nothing."

"My Grandmother always leaves long voicemails. Its 5 minutes of her talking and 10 minutes of her trying to hang up the phone."

"What's black and doesn't work in an office? Decaf coffee!"

"Two women are at a cafe, sitting quietly"

"Juliet: yo I'm dead Romeo: same Juliet: OR AM I..."

"After my ex and I broke up, I was in a really bad place (Florida)"