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Joke of the Day

"Who him? Oh that's just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter- *saxophone solo* INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS."

"July 4th celebrates the original Brexit. Thanks George"

"My fortune cookie message read : ""You appeal to a small, select group of confused people"" .... Uh huh ...."

"You know what's great about being single ? Fucking everything"

"Did you know that Helen Keller had a swingset in her backyard? Neither did she."

"Did you hear about the emotional wedding? Even the cake was in tiers!"

"I finally figured out why i look so bad in pictures It's my face"

"I have a test on Islam next period in my World Cultures class... I'm gonna bomb it."

"You know it was a good shit when you come back and your screensaver is on."

"How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert ? You get very lumpy ice cream !"