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Joke of the Day
"Child: Dad, I don't like the goldfish... Dad: Shut up and eat your dinner."
Next Joke
"What did the really dumb guy name his pet giraffe? Spot."
"Do you ever wake up, look yourself in the mirror and say, ""My God, I look like a pillow"" ? If so, that's not a mirror - it's your pillow."
"What do you call alcohol distilled by the Avengers' enemies? Hydra-Gin"
"My wife gives me sound advice. 99%Sound,1%Advice."
"I only date black girls... Because I hate meeting fathers."
"Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one."
"New healthcare plan in case Obamacare is defunded: the entire country pays for hospital bills by cooking meth."
"This guy at the bar wouldn't shut up about how Zombies ""could be real"" So I killed him... If he comes back...He wins the argument"
"My astronomy professor told me I was his star pupil."