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Joke of the Day

"So in The Matrix they feed you the liquified remains of the dead through a tube but you get to sleep and be online all day? I'm listening."

"Why does Santa Claus like to go down the chimney? Because it soots him! Beat that!!"

"I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, ""At least they picked me"""

"I wanted to be a stand-up comedian. But i realised a sit-down comedian was more comfortable."

"What's a philosopher's favorite toy? Play-doh."

"What do you call it when you spill your morning drive-through beverage on your virus scan software? Getting McCafe on McAfee"

"I heard you can eat animals only if you're tall and handsome. This is a pussy joke."

"After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?"

"When I was a kid, I played football with a broken nose for an entire season... We couldn't afford a football."

"A well executed theft leaving no fingerprints behind is... ... a stainless steal."