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Joke of the Day

"What sound does a turkey now make? Coup."

"Grammar Nazi. ""Sir, we are mining too many useless cores"" [Hitler rubs chin] ""So, mine less. [Grammar Nazi bursts through the door] ""MINE FEWER!"" [Hitler looks up] ""Yes, soldier?"""

"Kid: What's this? Me: A napkin holder K: What's a napkin? M: You wipe your hands on it when they're dirty K: You mean like the couch? M: ..."

"How can you tell if a man is cheating on you? He has a bath more than once a month."

"That's the difference between tech support and a mass shooter? One is a troubleshooter, while the other is a troubled shooter."

"Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat there!"

"Whats the best thing about dating Nicki Minaj? She won't fall in the toilet if you leave the seat up."

"Reality show idea: ""So You Think You Can Touch Mike Tyson's Nose."" Hidden camera. Tyson isn't in on it."

"YOU EVER SHIT SOOO GOOD YOU CUM? AND GET ALL LIGHT HEADED AND SHIT? -UNCLE SAM T."

"What's the difference... between a girls mouth and a girls vagina? There is none! I want my penis to be inside both of these things."