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Joke of the Day

"The most attractive thing about you is your gravity."

"How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove box."

"Yo momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease."

"Buy your kids a tortoise. Then when you're elderly, they'll already have 40 years' experience feeding & loving something that barely moves"

"Every time I think I've come up with a great FB status and no one likes it I die a little inside"

"Surprise your girlfriend by hiding in her trunk until you're dead."

"Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector and fire is real."

"Tony Abbot Nuff' said"

"Hate it when i accidentally drink a small amount of a carbonated beverage and my body is unable to release the gas and i pop like a seagull."

"How do you make a hormone? You pay her. (This was told at my pharmacy school. We laughed and then felt shame afterwards.)"