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Joke of the Day

"If masturbation lead to blindness internet would be in Braille"

"My girlfriend wants me to talk dirty during sex, but I feel weird swearing at a 12 year old."

"Cop: Are you drunk or high on drugs? Me: No officer. Cop: Your pupils are dilated. Me: (Paranoid) WHA!, how'd you know I teach fat kids?!"

"Why can't you trick an aborted fetus? It wasn't born yesterday"

"[Russian class] Um, why did I fail this test? Teacher: You just wrote in English and added ""ski"" to the end of the words... I knowski."

"Her: What veggies are the kids having with dinner? Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes..."

"Your dad is a motherfucker"

"""yes I'm very good in bed"" *folds blanket and neatly props up pillow* *pillow falls over* ""Oh no, this doesn't normally happen I swear"""

"Why did god invent yeast infections? So women know what it's like to be with an annoying cunt"

"Who comes up with these names? A casino novice like me can get into real trouble at something called a craps table."