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Joke of the Day

"Modern day Paul Revere still warns about enemy incursions. But now it's one if by LAN, two if by wifi."

"If a girl texts you back ""k"" check all your previous messages to see where you fu*ked up."

"Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year..."

"Some people passed away from toxic fumes in the apartments I constructed. I was just making the ceilings asbestos I could."

"[working at Bed Bath & Beyond] ME: Hi there, may I help you? What are you looking for? CUSTOMER: Shower head. ME: Sir, please, we just met."

"If you love Christmas so much, why don't you merry it?"

"Danger is my middle name. nnFirst name: AvoidsnLast name: Completely"

"When I say, ""No problem,"" I mean, ""YOU REMEMBER THIS FAVOR FOREVER."""

"What do men and Subway have in common? They both exaggerate the length."

"I posted a question about the brightest star in the night sky, but all I got were joke replies. Should've added the [Sirius] tag."