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Joke of the Day

"My cat was bitten by a squirrel and I have to suck the rabies out before she slips into a double cheese burger. --how I cancel dates"

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, what happens in Japan stays in Japan Until she turns 18, that is."

"Where do you hide if you kill a black man? Behind a badge."

"Why are there so few female politicians? It's hard to put makeup on two faces."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion."

"23% of traffic accidents involve cell phone use, but 77% do NOT involve cell phone use. Statistics don't lie. It's safer to use your phone."

"I didn't like my new haircut But then it grew on me"

"I took two years of anger management courses Now I'm the manager of four brand new anger stores"

"I Asked My Wife If I Could Give Her a Chechnyan Yacht Its where I peel back her undies and stay insider her all day."

"I saw a spider in my bedroom so I did what any man would do... I got in an argument with my wife so I could sleep on the couch."