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Joke of the Day

"I saw a spider in my bedroom so I did what any man would do... I got in an argument with my wife so I could sleep on the couch."

"What does the NFL season and the national anthem have in common? Kaepernick is gonna sit through them both."

"The fact that other bad things are happening is not an argument against fighting a particular bad thing."

"What is Hitler's favorite letter in the alphabet? I don't know, but it's definitely not z's!!!"

"What's worse than ants in your pants? Uncles"

"Consult an audiophile before buying new headphones Their reasoning is pretty sound"

"""Cellphones only work when you talk into them like you're trying to be heard over a buzzsaw screwing a freight train."" - My Dad"

"So a 400 pound lady walks into a gas station to get directions.. she walks in and says ""How do I get to 280?"" A man steps out of line and replies ""I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"""

"What's the best thing about fucking twenty one year olds? There are twenty of them."

"What do we want? Race car noises. When do we want them? Neoooooooooooooooooooooow"