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Joke of the Day

"The shame of my ancestry weighs heaviest on my soul any time a white person asks if they can get a ""what what""."

"3 cows are standing in a field Cow 1: did you hear the outbreak of mad cow disease? Cow 2: good thing I'm a helicopter Cow 3: Holy shit a talking cow"

"Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet? ...He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up? ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the ""hole"" show."

"Somewhere in Russia, a little kid farted a half beat before the meteor blew out all the windows. It was the greatest moment of his life."

"I bought a fleshlight Because fuck it."

"How do you know your sister is on her period? When your dads dick tastes like shit."

"Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month? She must have called a 1,000 times"

"Where's the best place to explore? Rome."

"NURSE: The other nurses and I bought you this box of chocolates for Valentines Day! DR DOG: You're joking, right?"

"If a beagle can't play a bugle in the marching band what's his other favorite instrument to play? A trombone."