81954

Joke of the Day

"Not feeling great about how much scrolling down I have to do to get to my birth year."

"Considering you can be anything you want on the internet, it's amazing how many choose to be stupid."

"What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert? He was forced to resort to excessive violins."

"""I got 15 years for leaving my wife.."" ""How'd you leave her?"" ""Dead by the side of the road..."""

"[spelling bee] JUDGE: Your word is ""incorrect"" KID: I haven't spelled it yet JUDGE: No, that's your word KID: T-H-A-T-'-S JUDGE: No- KID: N-"

"Show me a cannibal who gets sick on missionary stew... ...and I'll show you that you can't keep a good man down!"

"I saw a guy in a Prius run out of gas... instead of giving him a ride,, I sent him positive energy & world peace cause that means more to him"

"A man went to the zoo. All they had to exhibit was a dog. It was a shih tzu."

"In a Mediterranean restaurant...(xpost /r/puns) What did the sick chef say to the bus boy? ""Oh man, I feelafal"""

"Then there was the Puerto Rican surgeon who made medical history. He performed the first appendix transplant."