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Joke of the Day

"How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb? Third as many as for a regular bulb."

"I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme."

"My mother went missing in Vietnam during the war... Momma MIA!"

"I insulted a communist. I told him he was dressed ""classy"""

"*Rides unicorn to work* *Gives Bigfoot hi-five* *Chats with mermaids* *Argues with Medusa* *Gets called in to HR* *Fails drug test*"

"What happens when you give Sigmund Freud and Oedipus a bunch of cocaine? A mother fucking awesome party."

"What do Santa's little helpers learn in school? The Elfabet!"

"How do you find an alive baby in a pile of dead babies? With a pitchfork!"

"My daughter can open just about any front door using a credit card, so your kids honor roll certificate seems a little useless right now."

"Waitress: ""Hi, my nam-"" Me: ""Vodka martini, please."""