117975

Joke of the Day

"My daughter can open just about any front door using a credit card, so your kids honor roll certificate seems a little useless right now."

"If I ever have to choose who dies, my mother or my dog, Toby's gotta go... ...straight for the throat"

"I hate when homeless people beg me for money. No, buddy, I'm not giving you money to buy drugs. I need that money to buy drugs."

"There are three types of people in the world... those who can count, and those who can't."

"I just want to look as good as Madonna does now when I've also been dead for 27yrs."

"Don't be ashamed of who you are. That's your parents job."

"I used to play football for Jerry Sandusky. I started out as a tight end but finished the season as a wide receiver."

"Why do Mexicans eat so many beans? Because they're versatile, a good value, and contain lots of protein you racist fuck."

"what do you call a black horse? a neigh-gro"

"I'm going to start a band called Control Z We will play our songs, but start over half way through it."