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Joke of the Day

"I went for a run.... I went for a run but came back home after 5 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 5 minutes"

"I named my penis Richard That's long for Dick Hey - at least it's not another Turkey joke."

"I was feeling depressed. . I was feeling depressed so I went to the doctor to get a blood test. A week later he called me back with the results and said B positive, it's in your blood."

"Ummm yeah I want one of those phone case's where I can put my credit cards in with my phone so when I lose my phone I'm also broke. Genius!"

"If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later leaves on Friday how does he do it? The horse's name is Friday!"

"Whenever I'm feeling hopeful for future generations, I squelch it by watching my children move their heads instead of their toothbrushes."

"Nickelback walks into a bar.... So Nickelback walks into a bar, and there is no punchline, because ruining music isn't funny."

"If you're feeling down, park in a handicap space and soon a bunch of strangers will tell you that there's nothing wrong with you!"

"What do you call a slutty dinosaur? A tricerathot"

"Sorry for writing ""I guess u moved on haha"" under that ultrasound photo of your baby."