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Joke of the Day

"I was feeling depressed. . I was feeling depressed so I went to the doctor to get a blood test. A week later he called me back with the results and said B positive, it's in your blood."

"Show me on this Russian nesting doll where the bad man hid many more, smaller versions of you"

"since I worked on my problem with exaggerated arrogance, I'm a much better person. better than you all together!"

"What does GOP mean? ""GOP"" is onomatopoeic: it's the sound of anonymous penetration in public bathrooms late at night. -&y"

"Q: How did the redneck find his sister in the woods? A: Pretty hot"

"When i was a kid we played football on a bit of grass at the bottom of the bridge where people often committed suicide... We used the jumpers for goalposts."

"My dyslexic friend sobbed uncontrollably as he confessed that he kept spelling his own name backwards I really do feel for Bob."

"[loud crashes] Me: What was that? 4-year-old: Nothing. Me: 4: Me: OK. Parenting is easier than it looks."

"Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?"

"Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner"