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Joke of the Day

"I broke my arm when I was a kid, my Dad carried me ten miles to the hospital, he has cancer, so that's why my tattoo is hot nurse. -LA Ink."

"It's kind of bullshit that humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want."

"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip."

"Why can't you run in a campground? Because you ran: It's past tents. I'll show myself out."

"Dial-up internet called. They couldnt get through."

"A zebra walks into a bar... He orders a drink and leaves. A few minutes later a horse walks into the bar. The bartender asks ""Hey man! What happened to your pajamas?"""

"Lame joke I made one night. What do you get when you mix a cat and a blender? A visit from the cops."

"Baby detective: These stab wounds here, they- *coroner covers the body with a sheet* Baby: OH MY GOD. THE BODY! ITS GONE! WHERE DID IT GO"

"I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though"

"Found out today that you're supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jellyroll stain. Sorry, fat stranger."