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Joke of the Day

"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip."

"So the Asian guy from the Human Centipede has a Twitter account... He's not very popular though. He only has two people following him."

"Take something someone says, then perceive it in every terrible way imaginable POOF you're a woman."

"High heels are just regular heels that live in Colorado Haha we make jokes on here to try to keep the enveloping darkness at bay"

"How did Roman magistrates keep fit? Pontius Pilates."

"Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population #1. USA: 318.9 million #2. China: 1.357 billion #3. Japan: 173.3 million #4. Australia: 48 as of last census"

"""Why is life so hard?"" - Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter."

"Shout out to the people who don't know what the opposite of ""in"" is."

"On the list of things I fear the most, ""death"" comes in as a close second to ""audience participation"""

"How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to pay a Mexican to do it, two to deport him afterwards."