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Joke of the Day

"A guy in a plane stood up & shouted ""HIJACK!"" All passengers got scared . . . Then from the other end of the plane a guy shouted back, . . . ""Hi JOHN"""

"""Daddy, am I going to die someday?"" ""No, you're the only immortal being in the entire world. Goodnight, stupid."""

"I walked all the way from Europe to Africa. I know what you are thinking... Uganda be kidding me!"

"My grandfather said he'd never be caught dead wearing cargo pants, so I slipped the funeral director an extra 50 bucks. And now we wait."

"What does Johnny Depp say when cutting down trees? TIMBUUUUUUUURTON"

"back in my day, we had to print out a tweet and hand it to a friend for a retweet. you kids got it easy ""shut the fuck up grandma"""

"BEARD PROGRESSION: 1. Clean shaven babyface. 2. Cool stubble. 3. Rugged. 4. Homeless man. 5. Psycho killer. 6. Religious nutjob. 7. Wizard."

"I'm voting for Hillary Clinton because... According to Bill, she doesn't suck."

"What do you call a bearded gardener? Hairy Potter"

"If an accountant's wife cannot sleep what does she say? ""Darling could you tell me about your work."""