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Joke of the Day

"back in my day, we had to print out a tweet and hand it to a friend for a retweet. you kids got it easy ""shut the fuck up grandma"""

"Grandma walks into a butcher's shop Grandma: ""Hi, I'd like to buy one baloney."" Butcher: ""Pre-sliced or in one piece?"" Grandma lifts her skirt and says: ""Does this look like a CD player to you?"""

"Why did the sperm cross the road?... Because I put on the wrong pair of socks today."

"What's the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea. One shucks and fits and the other ..."

"""i used to live in india, now I live in indiana"" ""is there a difference?"" ""na"""

"Trying to grab a stall after lunch as a male. It's a crap shoot."

"I make love like a machine. Unfortunately it's a two-stroke engine."

"GF: What's my biggest flaw? ME: You haven't got any, you're perfect, I love you GF: No come on, I mean pacifically ME: We should split up"

"The worst marketing blunder in history was not putting cassette decks in cell phones."

"Did you hear about the mummy that reached the top 10 with his new album? People say it's cause he has the tightest wraps"