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Joke of the Day

"Two guys walk into a bar... the next one ducks."

"I just sent out my daily 6am text to a random number saying ""I hit Zack with my truck. I'm going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up."""

"""YOU'RE FAT."" - my belt"

"Why did the cow get an award? For being outstanding in his field. Sorry."

"Please keep yelling incoherently at strangers on the internet about which candidate you think is best. This will surely change their minds"

"It's hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs."

"CUT, CUT!! [Music stops] LOOK IT'S A WESTERN MUSICAL [Rubs temples] YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE COWBOY HAT ON- [Cat runs off] Meow!"

"Friends are like snowflakes If you pee on them, they disappear."

"The cool thing about being happy is you get to live in crippling fear that it will all go away soon"

"If you post a pic of the temperature in your car on Facebook the University of Phoenix will email you a Meteorology degree."