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Joke of the Day

"I will gladly eat anything I find in a fridge unless you put your name on it, in which case I will be full of guilt and shame when I eat it."

"""It's just bananas, bananas, bananas with you,"" the wife shouted. ""If I told you I was going to leave you because of this ridiculous obsession, what would you say?"" ""Well, thanks a bunch,"" I replied."

"Wife just shouted to me to get my big chopper out .After the panic subsided, I realised she meant we were out of firewood for the stove."

"Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac? Because they always take things... Literally"

"A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish. It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish."

"Why was William Henry Harrison's inaugural address so memorable? He had a killer final draft."

"Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill."

"Would the man who lost his hearing aid PLEASE come and retrieve it at the lost and found"

"Why is your Girlfriend like KFC? Because after you're done eating you throw your bone in a greasy box."

"Maybe it's just the mushrooms talking, but I should probably write down everything they say."