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Joke of the Day
"Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total."
Next Joke
"The punchline came early What does this joke have in common with me the first time I had sex?"
"What did Rouge say just before murdering Crimison? Hue hue hue"
"Two whales are at a bar... The first whale turns toward the other and says, ""ooooooOOoooooooOOOOOOOOooo!"" The second whale says, ""Dude, you're drunk as fuck."""
"Me: Omg all the kids are asleep! I can finally sit and relax! Dog: Yeah. About that. *pukes all over living room*"
"Why's Prince George great at measuring out 6 inches? Because he's a little ruler."
"Was hit by a rental car earlier today. It still Hertz."
"There's no time capsule quite like the pocket of a coat that's been in the closet for a year."
"How do you help someone with ADD or ADHD? Send them to a concentration camp!"
"Why did the Austrian woman go to see a psychologist. Because she wanted a penis."