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Joke of the Day

"Two whales are at a bar... The first whale turns toward the other and says, ""ooooooOOoooooooOOOOOOOOooo!"" The second whale says, ""Dude, you're drunk as fuck."""

"You know what kills me? Weapons."

"Yes, Neil, everything sounds better when you have a great voice. That's how sound works."

"So a man is alone in a forest And if his wife isn't around to hear him. Is he still wrong?"

"Apparently they're making a Middle Eastern version of 'The Flintstones'... And they're going to call it 'Modern Family.'"

"What did the dog say when it sat on a piece of sandpaper? Ruff!"

"My girlfriend told me she almost choked on her birth control this morning. It looks like it almost did it's job."

"What do you call a person who uses multiple accounts to upvote their own memes? Unidank"

"A dad walks in on his son watching porn. The son says, ""Well, at least you know I'm straight, dad."" The dad says, ""Not after tonight, son."""

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."