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Joke of the Day

"A guy gans into the butcher's... ... and says ""Gie us a steak and kidley pie."" So the butcher laughs and goes ""You just said kidley."" And the goes ""Naw, I didley."""

"Fate is when you find something you were never looking for and realize its everything you never knew you wanted."

"I just got fired for sexual harassment. I'm self employed."

"[1st date] ""I'm really into roll playing,"" I tell her with a wink, and make two pieces of complimentary bread pretend to kiss."

"I'm an early bird and a night owl, so I'm basically some form of permanently exhausted pigeon"

"Yesterday I saw a squirrel swimming... it was really cool. I have never seen that before."

"A clever one from Yahoo! Answers Sea water equals salt. That's what it boils down to."

"Some days I'm more on than off, but most days I'm just a moron."

"A magic 8-ball would make better life decisions for me than I do."

"My NY friends complain I never have to shovel in LA. Yeah? You think these heaps of broken dreams will get off the sidewalk themselves?"