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Joke of the Day

"My NY friends complain I never have to shovel in LA. Yeah? You think these heaps of broken dreams will get off the sidewalk themselves?"

"A tornado is about 5 minutes away and our satellite is out. I hope our house lands somewhere where the cable works!"

"Why is picture of Jesus better than Jesus himself? You only need one nail to hang up the picture."

"Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 2-year-old: An eagle! I'm going to save so much money on college."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Arnold ! Arnold who ? Arnold friend of yours is a friend of mine !"

"What's the fastest form of bread? Scone."

"My mate with Tourettes was cured after walking into a Gay Bar ""Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!"" He shouted.... He's not said a word since..!!"

"Why are Wayne and Garth banned from playgrounds? They hog the Schwing set."

"Friends with an ex? I don't even want to be friends with my friends."

"I accidentally called out my mums name during sex and my sister hasn't talked to me since."