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Joke of the Day

"Why do you really not want to get pulled over in Ireland? Because the cops are Dublin the fines! (It took me a three hour car ride to come up with this... I am not a clever person)"

"Why did the leper chase the leopard? Because she wanted the D. (I dreamed this joke last night. Not bad for a dream joke.)"

"How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb? Why does it have to be a group activity?"

"Things in common When does atheism become synonymous with running? A: When you draw Mohamad. Edit: Reworded it to make sense."

"In the morning, I woke up on the floor next to my bed. I must have fell asleep."

"My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records Then the librarian told me to take it out."

"MANAGER: You're hired! The pay is $200 per hour, plus benefits. The first thing you need to do is make a phone call to-- ME: I quit"

"I had a happy childhood. My dad would put me inside a tire and then roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears."

"What kind of bees make milk? Boo-bees"

"{At the art museum with my newborn son} baby: dada? Me: it's impressionist you stupid baby"