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Joke of the Day

"The rodents in my home are so damn big, they step in the glue traps and wear them like flip-flops around the house."

"A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked but don't worry, another study says you're just being paranoid."

"If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose... would you go to lunch or a movie?"

"Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was a woman."

"Did you hear that Jesus was a bit of a drunk? One time He got so hammered that He fell asleep in a cave for three days before He woke up. (heard in church today) :-) Happy Easter!"

"[raises hand in ethics class] So if I see a baby outside at night and nobody's around, is that, like, my problem?"

"Golfer: ""That can't be my ball caddy. It looks far too old."" Caddy: ""It's a long time since we started sir."""

"North Korean submarine accidentally destroys another North Korean submarine Woops, wrong sub"

"Sausage Joke During the depression, why did they only put breadcrumbs on one side of a sausage? ....cos during the depression it was hard to make both ends meat"

"How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker face."