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Joke of the Day

"The rodents in my home are so damn big, they step in the glue traps and wear them like flip-flops around the house."

"A pregnant woman came in looking for a girly stroller So I kicker her in the stomach."

"A man goes into Boots and says: ""Have you got Viagra? Do you have a prescription?"" asks the chemist. ""No,"" he replies, ""But I've got a photograph of the wife..."""

"I'm going to open a restaraunt called pantera bread It will be similar to panera bread, but the food we serve will be much heavier"

"""Have a nice day at the plant!"" -wife caterpillar to husband caterpillar in the morning"

"What's a slutty witch's favorite holiday? Swalloween!"

"I want to die like my grandpa, peaceful and in his sleep. Not screaming and terrified, like the passengers in his car."

"Friend: How's the wine? Me: It's exCHARDONNARY Friend: *taking my glass away* No."

"Nick: Can you tell me the way to Bath? Rick: I use soap and water personally."

"I started chewing nicotine gum the other day. I don't smoke, but I gradually want to start. =)"