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Joke of the Day
"Friends are like snowflakes... If you pee on them, they'll dissapear."
Next Joke
"I'm on a whiskey diet... I've lost three days already."
"I don't have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites."
"[titanic] SAILER: but captain there's an ice berg right ahead CAPTAIN WHO LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE A SHARK: i said straight ahead"
"A woman's work is never done. That's why they get paid less. (Source: Frankie Boyle)"
"Not to brag, but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions."
"Just as my teachers said, math has proven useful in my everyday life. For example, yesterday I dropped my keys into a toilet and made an integral out of wire."
"[freezing huddled around fire] Dont worry I brought blankets to keep us warm *throws blankets on fire* that should last a good half hour"
"What famous movie did the hamburger meat think of when they took it out of the freezer? They Fry Who Cam in from the Cold!"
"These Jehovah's Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant."