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Joke of the Day

"How many house flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just the standard two, but I'll be damned if I know how they got in there."

"How do you tell if a girl is ticklish? You give her two test tickles I will see myself out. Thank you and have a good day"

"I got in line behind an old classmate of mine while vacationing at Disney World... I said ""Wow, it's a small world!"" She said, ""actually this is Pirates of the Caribbean."""

"Today, my girlfriend told me on the phone that we were breaking up. I went outside and the signal improved."

"What did cinderella say when she got to the ball? NSFW *gagging noise*"

"What do you call an unsweetened, kosher lemonade? acidic juice"

"If Socrates had been a woman, he would've said: All I know is that I have all these clothes, but I have nothing to wear."

"people get sad when a bird flys into a window but when i do it its a big hassle"

"*spreads toilet seat cover over santa's lap before sitting down*"

"I dont mean to sound racist, but why is my baby black? *doctor sighs for like 3 mins* ""Sir, its an ultrasound"" *Seinfeld bass riff for days*"