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Joke of the Day

"For Christmas my wife wanted something that went from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds. So I bought her a scale."

"Zac effrons move flopped. Because he was afraid of 138"

"Why was the sea snail sad? Because it was abalonely"

"I cumfonted my girlfriend this morning... What did she have to say? Get me a towel."

"R.I.P. Today a man died after jumping into a waste treatment facility. The coroner ruled it a sewercide."

"Where is your 1,000 word essay? ""Right here"" *pulls out selfie* That's a picture... ""A picture is worth 1,000 words"" *becomes valedictorian*"

"Marriage is the only legal way to trade cash for sex."

"Madonna falls off stage apparently she was supposed to untie her cape so that her dancers could rip it off her. i guess madonna is not as good at pulling things off as she used to be."

"Your garbage disposal eats better than most of the world."

"Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to ""make it a double""."