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Joke of the Day

"R.I.P. Today a man died after jumping into a waste treatment facility. The coroner ruled it a sewercide."

"I can't find a reason to vote for the (D) or (R) candidate for President, and now Libertarian Gary Johnson's campaign slogan, 'Feel the Johnson' just rubs me the wrong way."

"""I must go,"" said my friend. ""Why?"" I asked. He said, ""I need to feed my baby hamsters."" I said, ""That's no way to raise a child."""

"They say drugs will hurt your long term memory but I kind of take pride in needing to Google the proper spelling of ""Bieber"" every damn time"

"sorry 4 rant, I heard a guy say ""millennials all do fake social media jobs""& was like buddy ur postgrad data entry gig is done by robots now"

"How to walk up the down escalator: Step 1: Step 1: Step 1: Step 1: Step 1:"

"Did you hear about the guy who fell asleep during The Force Awakens? The theater was too Darth."

"I walked in on the janitor using the women's washroom. I asked him what he was doing in there. He said ""The men's washroom is filthy."""

"[Lawyer] ""I can't stress this enough. You cannot plead that you're a wizard ok?"" ""ok"" [Later in court] ""I plead that im a wizard your honor"""

"Why do we use whiteboards instead of blackboards? Because black boards matter."