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Joke of the Day

"DR DOG: The vasectomy was a success. But until it's healed completely, you'll need to wear this *places cone around patient's neck*"

"What does a selfie stick and a tampon have in common? Both have a cunt at the end of them"

"I feel like the average weatherman is just meteor-ocre."

"What do you call a frog in the no parking zone? Toad"

"""Asphyxiate' would be worth like a million points..."" I thought to myself as I lay choking on a Scrabble tile."

"Alcohol goes in, truth comes out."

"My friend said to me, ""I'm going to dress up as an island near the bottom of Italy"" I said ""Don't be so silly."""

"I need to make a change. I haven't given a fuck my entire life. I'm still a virgin."

"a drug that makes you reallize that you don't actually like the internet that much and maybe you should go for a walk or call a friend."

"There are now 3 undefeated cat teams in the NFL! The Panthers, the Bengals and the Cheetahs."