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Joke of the Day

"I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer: I saw it through my telescope last night."

"If you're worried about not getting a New Year's Eve kiss this year, just remember Valentine's Day is coming up and you're probably going to be alone for that, too."

"Can Feburary March? No. But April May"

"I love that all the Catholics are easy to single out today. Can't believe no one's tried publically marking people by religion before."

"After My Music Lesson, My Teacher Said I Should Be Tenor Tenor twelve feet away from her."

"Whenever the wind gets bad... I think to myself, ""It may be windy but at least its not sandy."""

"""Buttocks! Sexy sexy buttocks! Introduce me to your buttocks! My name is Tony!"" - from my new song, ""Dusk in Vienna"""

"Lost my car keys so I'm forcing the guy at Home Depot to make me new ones based on what I remember about them."

"I've just done the pilot of a new porn series about promiscuous airline staff."

"Want to hear a joke about my penis? Ahh forget it.. it it's too long. Woman replies: want to hear a joke about my vagina? Ahh never mind... you'll never get it."