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Joke of the Day

"Gemini: You may find yourself wondering if you're dreaming or not. A simple test is to punch a cop in the face."

"I was very confused the other dah I was discussing religion with a man and he claimed to be a ""moose limb"". Must be some kinda canadian thing I guess."

"What did the homeless man get for christmas? very hungry"

"Nothing annoys me more than when I'm talking to someone about music and for some reason they think their opinion is as valid as mine."

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass. (Haven't seen this on here, hope its not a repost.)"

"So today my dad called me a ""Smart Alec""... ...but I had to remind him, my name is not and never was Alec."

"The moderator needs a spray bottle. Each time someone interrupts, they could just be like: ""NO! BAD PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE! BAD!! *spray*"

"Nothing's labeled clearly, I was promised tea & never got any, the criminal justice system is barbaric. ~ Alice's Yelp review of Wonderland"

"TIL that the FDA has recommended a permanent ban on all shredded cheeses be put in place immediately. It's part of an official federal plan to make America grate again."

"When driving: *shakes fist at pedestrians* When walking: *shakes fist at motorists* When running: *shakes fist at the murderer chasing me*"