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Joke of the Day

"Legally your grocery store can't stop me from tapping on the canned goods and declaring which ones are ripe or not."

"Happy times with grandma One day I was eating my grandma out. Suddenly I tasted horse semen. ""I thought"" Oh yeah, that's how she died."

"'Vegetarians' don't eat meat. 'Vegans' also don't eat eggs, milk or cheese. The final step is to just stand there +pretend to be a tree."

"Women are like iPhones. You have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries, rub one ball and everything moves."

"How to be rich for the rest of your life... Legally change your name to ""Rich"""

"First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door... My plumber sure has a strange sense of humor..."

"War Machine is such a hard worker... That he even took his work home with him."

"If someone says you're not a mermaid, don't talk to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life."

"Once you go black... Single mother for life."

"I've been working really hard on controlling my alcoholism I can't remember the last time I blacked out."