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Joke of the Day
"How do you know if someone went to Harvard? They tell you."
Next Joke
"[wife frantically searching the house] Have you seen the kids, I've looked everywhere [me napping on couch] OMG HOW LONG HAVE WE HAD KIDS"
"What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry Potter escaped the chamber."
"People are so nosy, always asking me what I just injected into their neck. Don't worry about it!"
"Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd.- the place in any American city where you can be sure to find racial tolerance and understanding."
"""I'll just stagger around yelling random, incoherent shit as people try to keep me from hurting myself."" Drunks and 1 year olds."
"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But a tooth is worth half an eye, so an eye for two teeth also works, if you're out of eyes."
"Did you hear about the American Indian who died from drinking too much tea? He drowned in his own tepee!"
"What comes after 69 ? Mouthwash"
"i can't believe i'm on page 3 of an online forum debating the pros and cons of ceramic, glass, and stainless steel mixing bowls"