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Joke of the Day

"The Best Part of Waking Up is Friends Who Don't Know Each Other Arguing In Your Comments on Facebook"

"What do you get when you mix a hamburger with Guinness. A hamburger paddy."

"I just want a time machine so I can show up at the Salem witch trials with an iPad."

"The painters I just got my house painted, and they gave me a bill that said $0. I asked them, ""Why aren't you charging me for the paint?"" They said, ""Don't worry about it, it's on the house."""

"Punctuation is everything: ""Will you marry me"" is a marriage proposal ""Will, You, Mary, Me"" = a Foursome Inquiry"

"What's common between American beer and making love in a canoe? It's fucking close to water."

"People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father."

"I hate when I show up to a funeral and another guy is wearing the same hot dog costume."

"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? Its going to take me a while to get hard because I was just laid."

"Instagram is the most pleasant social media site because it's really difficult to take ignorant, racist pictures of dogs & brunch"