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Joke of the Day

"I just want a time machine so I can show up at the Salem witch trials with an iPad."

"Have you ever heard the one about the dust bunny and the mud pie? Well then sorry, I only tell clean jokes."

"Damn girl, are you an octagon? Cause there's like 8 different sides to you."

"If green gummy bears are strawberry flavored, what is the flavor of yellow gummy bears? PHLEGMon"

"The toilet bowl was stolen from the local police precinct last night. The cops have nothing to go on."

"My wife likes to window-shop a lot. The situation is so bad that we have more windows than walls."

"7 y/o daughter: Hey dad, can I see your phone for a minute? Me: You got a warrant?"

"The milk in my fridge is so old it thinks Elvis Presley's dancing is inappropriate."

"What's black and blue and doesn't like sex? The cheerleader in my trunk."

"What do you get when you combine a watch with a dog? An eternally suffering abomination...YOU MONSTER!"