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Joke of the Day

"Merry Christmas.. Or Happy Heineken, as the case may be ;)"

"How many germans does it take to change a lightbulb? One."

"On sunday remember to turn your clocks back an hour And on tuesday vote Trump to set our country back 60 years."

"The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes."

"Pretty sure Craigslist is just a secret genetics lab and they send out their failed experiments to come pick up the stuff you sell there."

"LIKE if you've already broke one of your New Year's Resolutions."

"Was forced to have a threesome with a clown and a grizzly. Just had to grin and bear it."

"[pet store] Me *looking at snakes* ""CAN I FEED THEM?"" Pet Store Employee [never looks up from his phone] sure. Me *putting my kids in tank*"

"A bad cheese joke. How did I boast to the cheese I made myself? ""Gruyere."""

"Three really fat girls were cramped under one umbrella. Why didn't any of them get wet? It wasn't raining."